


In Your Arms I Find Perfection

by whispered_story



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Barebacking, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Canon, jealous lukas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:34:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: Lukas gets jealous. Philip thinks it's kind of sweet and maybe a little hilarious and definitely annoying.





	In Your Arms I Find Perfection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jameee25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jameee25/gifts).



> written for [jamee25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jameee25)'s prompts: jealous Lukas, first time doing it bare, and bonus size kink (it's only mentioned briefly, but it's there). Hope you like it, babe! 
> 
> beta'd by the wonderful [dancing_adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift) ♥

Lukas is already waiting for him when Philip leaves the school building. He's leaning against his bike, his helmet held loosely in his hands, staring down at the ground. Probably bored because Philip made him wait a few minutes — he's impatient like that, gets huffy when things don't happen quickly enough for his liking.

Philip's sometimes a few minutes late on purpose, keeps Lukas waiting a little, just to see that cute little frown on Lukas's face and kiss it away. Most of the time, though, Philip can't wait to see Lukas either, because he hates being away from him. It's the kind of thing he would have rolled his eyes at in the past. 

Philip smiles and walks a little faster. Eager to get to Lukas, and eager to get away from school, from the people there.

Things have gotten better over the past few months, settled down a little. The first few weeks after the shooting and kidnapping, after everything came to light, were hell. In a small town like Tivoli news travels fast, and before long everyone knew every horrifying detail about what had happened to them. And everyone talked, stared, whispered, gossiped. He and Lukas were the center of attention and Philip hated it. He's lived his entire life trying to not get noticed, to just slip by under everyone's radar, and having everyone focus on him has been hard for him to take. 

Lukas kissing him at the party in Red Hook just generated a new wave of interest in them. It was overwhelming, oppressing. It got better after while. People moved on, found something else to obsess over. The chatter about them never died down completely — there are still whispers, glances, but it's less stifling now. Philip is still glad every time the final bell rings and he can leave, can go be with Lukas and shut the rest of the world out.

"Hey," he says, as he gets closer to the bike.

Lukas looks up, gives him a small nod and hands him the helmet. He doesn't say anything and his mouth is pressed in a firm, unhappy line.

Concern floods Philip immediately. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, moving closer, touching Lukas's arm. They have good days, but they both still have plenty of bad days, too. And then some days where bad doesn't even begin to cover it. 

Lukas seemed fine when Philip saw him earlier, but Philip knows how quickly things can change. A noise, a touch — the smallest things are enough sometimes to trigger something in them.

"I'm fine," Lukas says, grabbing his own helmet. He doesn't sound the way he does when he's freaking out, when his voice gets all small and scared, or when he's mad. But he's definitely upset about something, almost sad.

"Lukas?" Philip prods.

Lukas glances at him, but doesn't really meet his eyes. "Let's go. I'll drop you off at home," he says.

"Drop me off?" Philip repeats. "You mean, you're not staying?"

"I gotta go help my dad with something," Lukas replies, the words mumbled, and puts on his helmet before Philip can say anything else. Blocking him out. 

Puzzled, worried, Philip watches Lukas straddle the bike and rev the engine. He's tempted to pull him off again, to make him talk, but this is the last place where he wants to make a scene. So he puts on his own helmet and gets on the bike. 

He's barely settled, arms curled around Lukas's waist, before Lukas drives off, and Philip makes a surprised noise, gripping Lukas tightly, holding on. Thoughts swirl through his mind as they drive — usually being on the bike with Lukas gets him out of his head, makes him forget everything, but he can't do that today. He's too busy trying to understand Lukas's weird behavior, why Lukas is suddenly in a funk.

He wonders if someone said something, did something, to upset him, hurt him, and it hurts that Lukas is apparently shutting him out.

+

There's a part of Philip that is hopeful that Lukas will have changed his mind by the time he drops him off at home. They spend most afternoons together, even if it's just to do homework side by side and steal some kisses.

Lukas doesn't even get off the bike though. He pulls his helmet off and at least that's something, but he barely meets Philip's eyes.

"So. See you tomorrow then," he says.

"Lukas," Philip tries. "You at least wanna come in for a soda or something?"

"My dad's expecting me," Lukas says, shrugging. "I really can't."

Like that's ever stopped him before. Like he doesn't usually stay at least for a little while and make up excuses for why he's late. Philip doubts Bo ever believes him — some of the stories he knows Lukas comes up with are pretty outrageous — but he usually lets it slide these days. 

"Wanna come over later then?" Philip suggests.

Lukas sighs. "It's gonna take a while... just one of those things, Philip."

"Oh. Okay," Philip mumbles. He can tell when he's not wanted, but the clingy, needy part of him still wants to gets Lukas to come over whenever he's done — surely he can't be busy the entire night, after all. He doesn't though, because he's afraid he's not gonna like Lukas's answer. 

Whatever is bothering Lukas, Philip is starting to suspect he's part of the issue. Things were fine the last time he saw Lukas, and Philip can't imagine what he could have done wrong in the couple of hours they spent apart in different classes, but he must have done something to make Lukas withdraw. To make him not talk to him.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow then?" he says instead, because at least that's not something Lukas can avoid. 

Lukas nods. "See you," he says and puts his helmet back on.

No hug, no kiss. And Philip just stands there like an idiot, watching Lukas drive off, and feels his heart constricting painfully in his chest. Fear and concern and _anger_ bubble up inside of him, because this is too much like the old Lukas. The one who would avoid him and push him away. And Philip knows it's not like that, knows Lukas isn't like that anymore. Whatever is going on, something is clearly really bothering Lukas.

+

Neither Gabe nor Helen are at home, and the house feels too quiet with just Philip there. He holes himself up in his room, shutting the door. He feels better that way. Safer. But it also makes him wish Lukas was with him — this is where they spend most of their time together. So much so that it almost feels like it's _their_ room. And there are traces of Lukas everywhere to show for it: a sweater draped over the desk chair, a book on the nightstand that Lukas has to read for his English class, a motocross magazine on the desk, a pair of shoes by the closet that don't belong to Philip.

Sighing, Philip flops down onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling.

He has homework to do, but he feels too distracted. His thoughts are circling around Lukas.

He can't figure out what could have upset Lukas. He tries to remember everything they said to each other during the course of the day, everything he did, but nothing sticks out. But he keeps thinking about it, keeps trying to work things out, until he feels a headache approaching.

Since homework is out, Philip grabs his laptop. He has footage of Lukas from the quarry he took last weekend, mostly just him messing around and trying out some jumps he hasn't quite gotten the hang of yet. 

Watching the clips now is torture, but it also makes Philip feel better. Seeing Lukas, even if it's just a video or picture, always makes Philip feel better. Calmer. 

It's freaking Philip out that he has no idea what's going on. 

Things between him and Lukas have been going great lately, more than great. To the point where Philip is finally starting to not worry something bad will happen, where he can finally breathe again and smile and mean it. He's been spending less and less time worrying, more and more time imagining his future with Lukas. The very near future and the more distant one, too. What they'll do next week, and where they'll be a few years from now. But now the worry is back, gnawing at his stomach.

It's a familiar feeling. Philip has lived with it almost his entire life — this worry, this fear that something bad will happen. That someone he loves will be taken away from him. Nothing good ever lasts in his life; eventually it all gets fucked up.

+

Philip is so immersed in staring at Lukas on the screen, racing up a hill and then shooting up into the air with his bike, the jump executed perfectly, that he doesn't notice it at first when the door to his bedroom opens.

When he sees movement from the corner of his eye the door is already mostly open, a figure standing in the doorway, and for a split second Philip's heart stops. Fear and panic grip him, a voice whispering _'It's him, he's here'._

Then his brain catches up. He's safe, Ryan Kane is dead, and it's not him. 

"Oh fuck, you scared me," he gasps out. He rests a hand against his chest, feels his heart racing under his palm.

"Sorry," Lukas says. His eyebrows are knitted together. He steps into the room almost hesitantly, like he isn't sure he's welcome. 

Philip scoots over, making room for him on the bed, and feels himself calm down again slowly, the fear ebbing away.

"I didn't mean to startle you," Lukas says. "I knocked."

"I didn't notice. I was kinda distracted," Philip admits, waving his hand at his laptop, where the video is still playing. 

"Oh," Lukas says, and a small smile tugs at his lips. He finally closes the remaining distance and sits down next to Philip, one leg pulled up onto the bed. "Are you editing a new video?"

"Mmm, yeah," Philip says, because he's not going to voluntarily admit that he was really just being pathetic and staring longingly at videos he took of Lukas.

"Cool," Lukas says. He looks away, hands fiddling on his lap, and it feels awkward. Like neither really knows what to say, and it's just making Philip feel more befuddled. The fact that Lukas is here, that he decided to come back, is easing his worries a little, but the whole thing still feels off.

"How'd you even get in here?" he asks, just to say something, break the weird tension between them. He's almost tempted to say something catty, like, wasn't Lukas supposed to help his dad? Why is he here when he couldn't seem to get away fast enough earlier?

He wants to be mad at Lukas for the way he acted.

But the look on Lukas's face, his almost dejected posture makes Philip bite those words back. Lukas looks like a kicked puppy, and Philip will never be able to stand the thought of Lukas feeling hurt.

"Door was open," Lukas says and shrugs. "You should have locked it, Philip. Gabe and Helen aren't home and..."

He breaks off, and Philip know he's getting worked up, making himself panic thinking about what ifs. He leans into Lukas, pressing a kiss to his shoulder through his t-shirt, and rubs his back.

"I'm okay, Lukas," he says quietly. "And I'll lock the door next time I'm home alone, okay? I just forgot."

Lukas sucks in a breath, giving a sharp nod. "I can't lose you," he says, and he sounds so _pained_ Philip's chest aches.

"You're not going to," he reassures. 

"No?"

Philip draws back a little, cupping Lukas's cheek and nudging his head around so he can look him in the face. 

"No. Of course not," he says seriously and then places a gentle kiss onto Lukas's lips. He feels like a weight is lifted off his shoulders when Lukas kisses him back. It's so chaste, so soft. One of those kisses that's not about kissing, but about being close, reassuring each other that they're both there, both fine.

Philip rests their foreheads together, tangles his fingers in the hair at Lukas's neck. 

"I love you," Lukas says.

"I love you, too," Philip replies, almost automatically, and kisses Lukas again. He feels Lukas shake his head before the kiss is even finished and then Lukas draws back.

"No," he says. "I love you. _I love you_."

There's an urgency in his voice, and something almost broken. Vulnerable.

Before Philip can reply, can ask what the hell Lukas is trying to say, he's dragged back into another kiss. This one isn't soft, isn't slow. It's a firm, insistent press of lips against lips, Lukas mashing their mouths together like his life depends on it. It feels different than their usual kisses. There's a seriousness to it, like Lukas is trying to tell him something without using his words. Or like he's trying to drown in it, or maybe drowning with it.

It makes Philip's breath catch. Makes him feel even more baffled and worried, but he kisses Lukas back, tries to show Lukas whatever it is Lukas seems to need, seems to be looking for. 

Lukas's arms slide around him, pull him close, so fucking _close_. Philip makes a quiet sound, surprise and pleasure wrapped up together, and wraps his arms around Lukas's neck. 

He lets Lukas manhandle him, pull and tug until Philip is straddling his lap. One of Lukas's hands cups the back of Philip's neck, and he palms Philip's ass with the other, and Philip can't help but rock down against Lukas, squirm and writhe on his lap until he feels the satisfying press of Lukas's hard dick against his.

"Jesus," he mumbles into Lukas's mouth. He's turned on and confused, and it's making his head spin.

Lukas hums and drags his mouth along Philip's jaw, nipping at it. "You can't leave me," he says. The words are muffled, but Philip hears them loud and clear anyway.

It takes all his willpower to unwrap his arms from around Lukas's neck and rest them on his shoulders instead, pushing him back.

"What did you just say?" he asks, sounding breathless.

Lukas chews on his bottom lip, eyes wide, and then looks away. "You can't leave me," he repeats.

"Why the hell would I do that?"

Lukas shrugs, but Philip isn't going to let this go. He takes Lukas's face in his hand and turns his head back towards his own, making Lukas meet his eyes.

"Lukas. Talk to me."

Lukas grimaces, but he holds Philip's gaze. "I... I saw you with that guy."

Philip leans back a little, frowning at Lukas. He guesses it's supposed to make sense, that he's supposed to get it, but he has no idea what Lukas is talking about.

"What guy?" he asks.

Lukas gives him a look that's almost accusatory. Hurt. "Ian."

"Okay," Philip says slowly and cocks his head a little to the side, studying Lukas's face. The way his mouth is drawn down, the pain in his eyes. "I have no idea who Ian is."

"Funny, 'cause you were talking to him earlier," Lukas says, his frown getting more pronounced.

"What?"

"In the hallway, Philip. By the locker," Lukas says. "The guy that was hitting on you and you didn't exactly look bothered by it."

Philip sits up straight and looks at Lukas, letting out a sigh that's dangerously close to a laugh.

"Lukas, come on," he says, because clearly this is a joke. Sure, Philip talked to a guy in the hallway earlier, but it had been absolutely harmless.

Lukas has to know this. He can't possibly think that Philip was flirting with some other guy, or at least letting some other guy flirt with him. 

But Lukas doesn't laugh, doesn't even smile. He just looks utterly miserable.

"Oh my god," Philip says and slides of Lukas's lap. The whole thing suddenly makes a lot more sense and it makes Philip feel so relieved, but it also makes him want to shake Lukas and make him realize what a monumental idiot he is being. And then he wants to wrap him up in his arms and soothe away all of Lukas's stupid worries and insecurities.

Lukas sighs and flops back down onto the bed. It's dramatic, but it's also not completely faked. Philip lies down next to him and presses up against Lukas. He nudges his leg between Lukas's, drapes his arm over his chest. "You're so damn stupid sometimes," he says softly.

"Thanks."

"Lukas, that guy? Ian or whatever? He wasn't hitting on me, I swear. He was asking me if I could take pictures for the yearbook, that's all."

"Oh, starting a conversation about the thing you love doing most? Smooth," Lukas says. "And that's not even original, 'cause it's what I did, too."

"That's not what he was doing," Philip says. He leans in, nudges his nose against Lukas's jaw and then kisses the same spot.

"How do you know?" Lukas asks, and turns his face towards Philip.

"'Cause. I just do. He wasn't hitting on me."

"He was!" Lukas replies insistently. "I saw the way he was looking at you."

"Fine, say he was hitting on me," Philip says and Lukas looks so put out at that, he has to grin. "Which he wasn't."

Lukas huffs.

"But even if he had been, who cares?" Philip continues and rubs Lukas's stomach soothingly. "I'm obviously not available, so it wouldn't have mattered."

"You don't hit on people who are taken!" Lukas complains. "I don't want guys hitting on you."

Philip laughs. "Okay. You want them to look at me and think I'm hideous and awful?"

"No," Lukas scowls. "I want them to look at you and feel jealous because you're mine, and then I want them to _not_ flirt with you."

The way he says it, the petulance in his voice, is kind of cute. Now that Philip knows he has nothing to worry about, knows what Lukas's problem was, he can look at the situation and see the humor in it. And it's kind of flattering that Lukas was jealous, even though Philip doesn't particularly care for how he reacted.

Philip draws Lukas into a kiss. "Let them flirt. I'm yours, Lukas."

"I didn't like it," Lukas admits, and now he's back to sounding serious. Hurt.

"Well, if someone did hit on me I honestly wouldn't like it either," Philip replies. "I don't want anyone but you, in any shape or form, okay?"

Lukas doesn't look quite ready to give in just yet, so Philip tugs at his hair playfully. And then he slides his leg higher, shifting so the angle is better, until he can rub his thigh against Lukas's dick through his jeans, all slow and teasing. "Okay?" he repeats.

"Okay," Lukas says, a little choked, and pulls Philip into kiss.

+

Lukas is mouthing a path down Philip's throat, hands squeezing Philip's ass as Philip rubs down against him, when Philip hears the loud rumble of Gabe's car.

"Fuck," he groans, because it feels like Lukas just got here. He rolls off Lukas, but stays close, resting his head on Lukas's shoulder.

"Sorry," Lukas says and runs his fingers through Philip's hair comfortingly.

"What for?"

"The entire afternoon was a waste because of me," Lukas says.

Philip nuzzles Lukas's neck.

"'s okay," he says. "We should probably actually get some homework done. And we can sneak out later and hang out in the barn."

"You're not mad at me, right?" Lukas asks, as if he didn't hear Philip's reply. 

Philip props himself up on his elbow and leans over Lukas to kiss him. "No," he says. "Now cuddle me until Gabe comes to check in on us in a few minutes and ruins the mood."

Lukas laughs softly and tugs him back down again. "Yes, sir, Mr. Shea, sir."

Philip grins and slides a hand under Lukas's shirt. Gabe has walked in on a lot worse, after all. As long as they're still dressed, he knows they're not going to get into any trouble.

+

Over the next couple of weeks, Lukas keeps sending little glares at Ian at school. It doesn't help that Ian approaches Philip once again about the yearbook thing, even though Philip already declined once. The smug grin on Lukas's face when Philip tells Ian, once again, that he doesn't feel like doing it, is both cute and a little over-the-top.

Philip thinks about telling him to stop acting jealous a few times, because people must be starting to notice, but he likes the way Lukas also keeps his arm around Philip when they walk down the hallway and sits even closer than usual at lunch.

"What's up with you?" Rose asks, sitting across from them and looking at them curiously. Lukas is all but pressed against Philip's side.

"He's jealous," Philip says, amused. Rose raises her eyebrows, lips twitching up into a smirk.

"I'm not," Lukas interjects, nudging Philip with his elbow. "Hey, have you noticed that Isaac's nose it really big? And he kinda squints a lot."

Philip gives him a confused look, popping a fry into his mouth. "Who's Isaac?"

"Yearbook dude," Lukas says, sounding exasperated, like Philip should have known.

"I thought his name was Ian?" Philip points out.

"Whatever," Lukas mutters.

Rose smirks. "Oh, Ian," she says. "I think he's kinda cute. And he's nice, too."

Lukas huffs, "Well, I think he's kinda ugly."

Philip just rolls his eyes, but smiles at Lukas indulgently. "He's not a motocross champion, that's for sure," he says and pats Lukas's arm. 

"No, he's not," Lukas says, looking a little mollified. 

Rose hides her snicker behind her hand.

"You know," she says later, when Philip and she walk to the algebra class they share. "He was never like that with me. Guys could shamelessly hit on me right in front of Lukas and he didn't care."

"Well, I guess the whole gay thing had something to do with that," Philip says sheepishly, shrugging. 

"Yeah," Rose says. "I just assumed he was all chill and too mature to get jealous."

"Yeah, mature. That's Lukas," Philip mocks, and Rose laughs.

"I guess I should have figured the whole thing out sooner," she admits and links arms with Philip.

+

Philip stretches his legs a little, pushing his toes against where Lukas's calf is resting on the mattress until he successful nudges them under his leg.

Lukas looks up at him, a small smile on his face. "Hey," he says. 

"Hey," Philip replies and yawns. They've been studying quietly for the past hour or so, sitting opposite each other on Lukas's bed, with books and notebooks spread out around them, Lukas sitting cross-legged while Philip is taking up most of the space.

"Have I told you my dad isn't gonna be home this weekend?" Lukas asks.

"Oh, he isn't?" Philip replies.

"Hmmm. Thought you could come over."

Philip puts down his notes and smirks. "Man, I'd love to. But I already have plans," he teases and then, just to needle Lukas, adds, "with Ian."

Lukas glares at him. "Ishmael can fuck off."

Philip snickers and wiggles his toes. "Got any plans for me?"

"Yes," Lukas says and curls his hands around Philip's calves. He coaxes his legs apart and gets up on his knees, crawling up the mattress between Philip's legs. He leans into Philip and kisses him. "You and me, no clothes."

"Hmmm, okay. Sounds good."

"And no thinking about any other guys for even a second," Lukas says, nudging their noses together. "It's a rule in my house."

"You're an idiot if you think I can think of anyone else when I'm with you," Philip says and slides his hand around Lukas's neck, pulling him back to him to kiss him again.

+

Philip rides his bike over to Lukas's early on Saturday, wanting to make the most of the day.

Bo is just getting in his car and he waves at Philip. "The door is open," he calls over. "Lukas is still in bed. Remind him to do his chores." 

It's not quite casual, there's still an awkwardness in the way he holds himself and talks when Philip is around, but Philip appreciates how much he's trying.

He nods and lets himself in as Bo guns the engine and drives off. 

When he strolls into Lukas's room, he finds him already awake, but looking sleepy. He's sitting back against the headboard of his bed, sheets pooled around his waist, and playing around on his phone. His hair is messy and there's a pillow crease on his cheek, and it makes Philip's heart beat a little faster. 

Lukas looks up when Philip comes in and smiles. "Hey," he says.

"Hey. What are you doing?" Philip asks and drops his bag by the door.

"Stalking you on instagram," Lukas replies. 

Philip kicks off his shoes and then his jeans, before crawling into bed with Lukas. He snuggles in close and Lukas drapes his arm around his shoulders, tugging him against his side.

"Find anything interesting?" Philip asks, peering down at the screen of Lukas's phone and, true to Lukas's words, his own instagram account.

"You're pretty. You should post more selfies," Lukas notes, a hint of teasing in his voice, and kisses the top of Philip's head.

Philip feels his cheeks heat up. "Oh my god, shut up, Lukas."

"You are, though," Lukas says, and Philip looks at him, seeing him grin. "I like looking at you."

"Thanks, I guess," he mutters.

Lukas shrugs, jostling Philip against his side a little. "I also found out that Ianto liked some of your posts. None of the ones I'm in, I noticed."

Philip huffs out a laugh. "Did you look up guy's names that start with an 'I' just to be obnoxious and call him something else every time you mention him?" he asks.

Lukas looks a little sheepish at that and Philip knows he guessed right. 

"There aren't many," Lukas admits. "Or well, they're all weird. You should never date someone whose name starts with an 'I', I've decided."

"Well, I don't plan on dating anyone other than this idiot who starts with an 'L'," Philip replies.

"Oh?" Lukas asks. "He sounds cool. Tell me more about him."

Philip rests his head on Lukas's shoulder. "He's an idiot. That's all there is to him, really," he says and looks at Lukas's phone again. He taps the screen, opening a photo of the two of them that he posted a couple of weeks ago. They were out in the quarry that day. In the picture, Lukas is in his biker gear, arm wrapped around Philip's shoulder, both of them smiling widely into the camera. 

"I like that photo," Philip says.

"Me, too."

"You really still jealous?" Philip asks, more serious.

"I don't know. Guess not," Lukas mumbles. Philip tips his head back on Lukas shoulder, looking at him upside down and grins.

"Let's take a selfie now and post it," he suggests and grabs the phone from Lukas's hands. He opens the camera app and holds the phone up in front of them, shifting until he likes the angle. 

"Ready?" he asks. Lukas hums and just before Philip snaps the picture, he turns his face and kisses Philip's temple. Philip laughs.

"Lukas," he says. "Behave."

"Fine," Lukas huffs. Philip gives him a stern look, then turns back to the phone. 

He tries to take another picture, but Lukas kisses him again at the last moment. 

"You're annoying," Philip scowls, but he has to bite back a grin.

"I'm _cute_ ," Lukas says.

Philip makes a non-committal sound, just to annoy Lukas, and looks at the two pictures he took. They're both surprisingly good. Cute. Obnoxiously couple-y, but cute. Not the kind of photo he would ever share on his instagram, though.

"I want one I can post," he says.

"You can post those," Lukas points out.

"Yeah?" Philip asks. "We don't usually…"

He trails off, waving his free hand at the picture on the screen. Most of the pictures on his instagram are nature shots, and the ones with both of them are the kind that, if you didn't know about them, could be mistaken for just two friends hanging out. They're out — Lukas is out now — but Philip's still careful about stuff like that, not wanting to do anything that makes Lukas uncomfortable or pull away.

Lukas grabs the phone. "Let me," he says. 

Philip hands the phone over, watches Lukas log out of his instagram and then into Philip's, choosing the first picture. He captions it "Saturdays ♥" and then adds the hashtags #love, #weekends, #boyfriends before tagging himself. 

It's cheesy. The kind of thing Philip would roll his eyes at if it was someone else. But it makes Philip's heart beat heavily in his chest, feeling a rush of overwhelming love, and something else, something a little sad almost because he never thought things between them could be like this, that he could have this and he wanted it so much. The fact that Lukas came out to everyone in Tivoli felt like a huge step, but this is putting it out there for the entire world to see, to possibly judge them.

He watches Lukas post the picture without any hesitation, though. He waits a few moments, until it's up, and then Philip turns in Lukas's arms, cups his face in both hands and kisses him. 

"How could you possibly think there's any other guy out there for me?" he asks quietly.

Lukas shrugs. "You deserve better."

"Well, tough luck, because you're already the best," Philip says and kisses Lukas again, silencing any reply Lukas could come up with.

+

For a while, they just make out, Lukas's hand sliding under Philip's shirt and stroking warmly over skin as their mouths slide together.

Philip's phone buzzes a few times, notifications from instagram that someone liked his photo or commented on it. After the third time it happens, Lukas grabs the phone and turns it off before putting it on top of his dresser.

"No distractions," he says, and kisses Philip a little deeper, dipping his fingers under the waistband of Philip's underwear suggestively. 

Eventually, Philip ends up on his back with Lukas on top of him, bodies rocking together. 

"Want you, Lukas," Philips says after a particularly hard thrust from Lukas. "God, I want you so much."

"Okay. Yeah, okay," Lukas replies. 

They strip off the remainder of their clothes in a hurry, too impatient now to take it slow. Philip looks at Lukas as he tosses his boxer-briefs aside and kneels back between Philip's spread legs. Stares. Lukas is so tall and beautiful and he's _big_. The kind of big that made Philip's mouth water with a want he'd never felt before the first time he saw Lukas naked and made nerves spike up inside of him at the same time. 

Lukas smirks, like he knows exactly what Philip is thinking, and leans down, brushing a kiss against Philip's mouth. He lowers his weight onto Philip, rocking his hips down and letting their hard dicks slide together.

"Oh fuck," Philip hisses and arches up.

"One sec," Lukas says and reaches for the drawer. He pulls the bottle of lube and a condom out. Philip grabs his wrist and stops him without thinking about what he's doing. 

He wants something different, wants more. He wants Lukas, completely and entirely and without anything between them because he loves him so _fucking much_ and it feels like nothing can ever be enough.

He's been thinking about it for a while, off-handedly at first and then more and more. 

"What?" Lukas asks.

"I don't want us to use a condom," he says and then holds his breath, waiting for Lukas's response.

"Seriously?" Lukas asks, his eyes going all wide.

Philip nods. "I want you inside of me bare," he says more firmly. "I just… don't want anything between us."

Lukas looks at him for a moment, quietly, then nods.

"You sure?" he asks, and Philip really loves him for that. For always checking with him, always trying to make sure Philip is okay with what they're doing even when Philip is the one asking for things. 

Philip nods again. "It's not like we've ever been with anyone else," he says. "And I don't want us to _ever_ be with anyone else either."

Lukas's lips lift up into a smile and he drops the condom, letting it fall to the floor next to the bed, before setting the lube down on the pillow. 

"Okay," he says and kisses Philip quickly. "Me neither."

"Yeah? You wanna try it without a condom?"

"Fuck yes, baby. You have no fucking idea how much I want this," Lukas says and licks his lips. "So, uh, we just do it?"

Philip laughs, feeling a little jittery suddenly. "I guess, yeah?" 

"Okay. Cool," Lukas says and then gives Philip a sheepish look. He touches his cheek and kisses him, pressing their mouths together, messy and eager. Philip can feel him grin and it makes something in his chest burst with happiness. He kisses Lukas back just as eagerly and lets his legs splay wider, Lukas pressing down against him. He lifts one leg over Lukas's, tangling them, and ruts up against him. He feels sparks of pleasure shoot through him as their cocks slide together.

Lukas moans into his mouth, the vibrations of the sound making Philip's mouth tingle. He slides his hands down under the sheets, palming Lukas's ass and bringing him harder down against him, their bodies rocking together.

"Okay, stop," Lukas mumbles and pulls back, panting. "You're gonna make me come before I'm inside of you."

"Can't have that," Philip replies breathlessly, and he feels like laughing with happiness, because this is really happening. They're doing this. 

Lukas drops a final quick kiss onto his lips, smiling widely, and then grabs the lube. He uncaps it and pours some onto his fingers, and Philip feels his stomach flutter with nerves in a way that it hasn't in a long time. 

He's familiar with this part, but it still feels different this time. It reminds him of the first time they did it, the anticipation and arousal mingling with the feeling of the unknown, of doing something, sharing something, new and foreign to both of them. 

He jumps a little when Lukas reaches between his legs and slides a cold, slick finder between his cheeks. Lukas laughs softly.

"Relax," he murmurs. 

Philip meets his eyes and nods. Lukas kisses him then, and he keeps kissing him as he prepares him, working up to three fingers. He does it more slowly than usual, and Philip can tell he's nervous about this too, that this is a big step for both of them. 

By the time Lukas pulls his fingers out, Philip is achingly hard and breathing heavily.

"Okay?" Lukas asks once more, and Philip smiles and nods.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah," Lukas says and picks the lube up again to slick himself up.

Philip hooks his legs around Lukas's waist as Lukas positions himself, and breathes out slowly to keep himself relaxed. He looks up at Lukas, watching his face carefully as Lukas starts pressing in. He wants to see it, wants to see the look on Lukas's face as he enters him bare for the first time. 

The pleasure he sees on Lukas's face, almost awe, is something he doesn't think he'll ever forget. This moment, right here, with Lukas sliding into him feels utterly perfect.

It's different, better. More intense. Philip knows part of that is just the knowledge that they're doing this, that they're as close as they can possibly physically be now, but it still feels like nothing ever has before. 

He loves the feeling of Lukas slowly pushing in deeper, the burn of Lukas pressing in, stretching him, the way he feels his body adjust, relax to accommodate Lukas. The way it seems to go on forever, until Philip feels so full, feels like it's almost too much, like if Lukas was any bigger he wouldn't be able to take it and yet there's nothing better than this, nothing more perfect and fitting and right. The slight pain that mingles with sharp, hot pleasure, rolling over him in endless waves, is a feeling Philip will never be able to to adequately put into words.

"Fuck, Lukas," he moans.

"Okay?"

Philip laughs a little, breathless, gasps mixing in. "So good," he replies and lifts his hips, tightens his legs around Lukas's waist even though he knows he can't draw him in any deeper. But god, how much he wishes he could. How much he wishes Lukas could fill every last bit of space inside of him.

"You feel so good," Lukas murmurs and groans. "So, so hot, Philip. 's fucking insane."

Philip hums and tosses his head back when Lukas draws out and thrusts back in in one smooth, long stroke. 

"Yeah, right there. Right there, Lukas," he encourages, pleasure sparking as Lukas's cock drags against his prostate.

He digs his fingers into Lukas's upper arms and wonders briefly if it'll bruise. Wants it to, so his mark will be on Lukas.

"Yeah?" Lukas asks, like he doesn't fucking know what he's doing to Philip. How fucking amazing he's making him feel. Like he isn't fucking _perfect_ at this.

Philip keens when Lukas thrusts in again, a little harder, the way he rolls his hips — again and again and _again_ — and hits Philip's prostate making him see stars. Lukas leans down, smears a kiss against Philip's cheek.

"So good. Fucking love how you feel around my cock, baby," he pants. He bites at Philip's jaw, hips working relentlessly, his rhythm fast and fucking dirty. In and out, hips never stuttering, never failing.

And there's nothing between them. It's just them, skin on skin, bodies fused without a single barrier between them. Philip moans low in his throat, and wraps his arms around Lukas, arching up into him.

He isn't going to last, not when Lukas is doing everything he knows Philip likes, pushing all his buttons, and he's fucking _bare_. And Philip will feel it, will have Lukas spill inside of him. He almost sobs out at the thought, angling his face to the side, seeking Lukas's lips because he needs to kiss him. Needs to feel Lukas in him and on him and everywhere.

"Baby," Lukas mumbles against his lips. His mouth swallows Philip's moans, the words he wants to say but can't because it's too much, too good. He feels it in his stomach, like a fire that spreads out, crashes over him, his whole body tensing as he spills between their bellies, a pleasure so intense he thinks he might pass out from it. 

Lukas keeps kissing him, fucking him, mouth sliding from his lips down his cheek, his jaw, peppering kisses everywhere, words pressed into his skin.

"Fuck, so tight," Philip hears through the haze of his orgasm. "Love you. Love you."

He moans in reply, and it turns into a little cry when Lukas bites at his neck, where it curves into his shoulder, the sting sharp and surprising, sparking something anew inside of him, his pleasure spiking. 

He feels Lukas come, knows all the signs, but it's so damn different this time. The sticky, wet heat inside of him, coupled with the knowledge that Lukas is spilling inside of him, that this is really happening, is so overwhelmingly good, better than Philip thought it could be.

"God, Lukas," he hisses, and wraps Lukas up in his arms as they sink down into the pillows, holding on tight, never wanting to let him go, never wanting him to slide out. 

Dirty and sticky, breathless, they lie tangled up in each other and Philip can't remember ever having felt better, happier.

+

After a while, Lukas goes to the bathroom to clean up. And then he comes back with a damp washcloth and cleans Philip up, too. It's a little embarrassing, because he's leaking Lukas's freaking come, but also really, really hot. And Lukas is so careful and sweet about it, like he's really not bothered by it at all, and Philip is so stupidly in love with him it makes his chest ache.

Lukas gets back into bed, snuggling close and kissing Philip softly. 

"Take that, Iago," he mutters, and Philip laughs. 

"Seriously, stop with the names," he says. 

"Who me?" Lukas asks, trying to look innocent, but his lips tug up into a grin. Philip slaps his cheek playfully, then brushes their lips together. 

"I'm really, really not interested in Ignacio," he says.

"Ignacio. Good one," Lukas says with a grin, pulling Philip close against him and tangling their legs together. He kisses the top of Philip's head. "But just so you know, I think we should only hang out with straight guys in college. And maybe you could tattoo my name on your ass or something."

"Lukas."

"I'm just saying," Lukas says, and Philip can hear the smile in his voice.

"No."

"Fine. I'll just leave a lot of bite marks all over you," Lukas says with an exaggerated sigh.

Philip slides his arm more firmly around Lukas, lets his finger brush over his ass as he scoots down a little to tuck his head under Lukas's chin. "Like you don't already."

"You're very biteable," Lukas replies lightly.

"And you're possessive. It's probably unhealthy," Philip shoots back.

Lukas hums, fingers tracing patterns over Philip's back. "Philip?" he says after a moment. "You know I trust you, right? I was just… momentarily stupid or something. I know you wouldn't cheat."

"I know," Philip says and yawns. 

"You're still too fucking good for me," Lukas says, quieter. Softer.

"Well, you're too good for me, too. We're even," Philip replies and lets his eyes slide shut, feeling sleepy. A nap is what he needs right now, all wrapped up in Lukas's arms, and then maybe they can get started on round two. Maybe he'll even let Lukas leave a few, not so subtle hickeys.

And perhaps, with time, Lukas will realize that Philip really means it when he says there's no other guy out there for him — after what they just did, Philip isn't even sure he's ever going to notice any guys other than Lukas even exist.


End file.
